To the person who is suffering, hope can seem so distant.
Elsa ever asked, is it that her sin caused her in this incurable illness? We said no, it’s because we live in sinful, fallen world. If God being good means he has to get rid of sin, it means he would have to get rid of sinners; because suffering is connected to sin; if God were to get rid of suffering, he'd have to get rid of sin, and then he'd have to get rid of sinners. 神愛世人God is a merciful God, He won’t do that.
You all know Elsa; she was a 很努力的人, not a person who would easily give up. Time with Elsa, I can see 3 stages of growing in her.
1) with hope that God can perform a miracle to heal her. She was right, God IS able; but many times, HE chose to heal our hearts and not our body.
When Fan Lan and I first started visiting Elsa, she had already laid on bed for 6 months, the doctor had already told her, no more treatments can be done that would help her to get well. She was under pain relief treatments for cancer. She took very good care of herself with the hope that God would heal her miraculously that she would someday be able to get up and walk again and have a body free of cancer cells.
She broke down in tears a couple times in our visits; she wrestled with God, ‘why me?’ questions that every one of us will ask when in suffering. She questioned why God allowed her to suffer and that she had to die early; there were yet many things she wanted to do, to accomplish… We have to admit that this was a tough question for us to answer. Especially when times seeing her in great pain, we couldn’t do much but to hold tight to her hands and cried out to God with her till the pain killer started kicking. Fan Lan often told her to tell everything to God, ‘為什麼讓我這麼痛’…
Pastor 多倫 and 炳宏 shared on Friday for those who attended Elsa’s 入殮禮拜 that our body will decay, its temporary tent that our souls live in. I understand the message from the bible, but when it comes to sharing it with Elsa, I felt weak, don’t know how to speak to her, so that she could understand our hope is in Jesus where our soul returns to at the end. I thought of Joni Erickson Tada’s, her recent issue, ‘A place of Healing’; so I passed on that book to Elsa. I thought Joni’s words would be best related to Elsa. They both suffer chronic illness and disability. Joni’s journey helped her, brought her new hope in many ways gradually.
2) Praise the Lord, Elsa was wise enough to understand and to grab on the hope. She knew Jesus is the breath of life. She chose to submit to God, but still fear of death and pain took over her. She said to us, she prayed that God would take her home in her sleep.
No one can prepare for death, but God can. And that’s what God did for keeping Elsa till HIS perfect timing came and took her home.
3) The miracle. About the end of June of beginning of July after Elsa had waken up from a month long semi-coma, she was granted the glance of heaven, the true Hope – Jesus.
As most of you knew that Elsa was in a semi-coma stage for almost a month. A few times we visited her; she couldn’t express herself clear in words, but would always give out her best smiles to everyone. It was like her body was with us, but she mind and soul were somewhere else.
Surprisingly, she woke up one day and phoned many of us, with a joyful heart, talked normal like she was never sick. She said, she saw the color of death; it was bright light, shining places, it was very peaceful, no fear… and I remembered she said, 原來死亡不過如此. I told her, what she saw was heaven!!
Ever since, Holy Spirit filled her heart, she made a few brave statements without fears.
She said, she had 2 books are yet to be published; she wished God would keep her life till the end of December, it not, she will submit to God also, it doesn’t matter.
She also said, from now on, she would submit to Kevin, he is the head of the household, he ought to be the one taking charge and making decisions, she would submit to him as a wife. She said it with joy; she expressed how thankful she felt towards Kevin. She was able to tell me and Fan Lan that she has 2 special gifts for Candy, her cross and her dissertation. She wanted Candy to go through her clothes, and then whatever does not fit her, Beya gets to pick. She also started fasting for lunch, she devoted her time to prayers for her family, Kevin and Candy, sisters, brothers, parents in laws, friends……..
Elsa understood what it meant in
1 Peter 2:21: "To these hardships you were called because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps." This has brought me great encouragement.
Suffering prepares us to face death. None of us, in our culture of comfort, know how to prepare ourselves for dying, but that's what we should do every day. We don't just walk through the valley of the shadow of death when we feel a lump on our body, get a medical report or when we survive a stroke. When we say yes to the grace of God, we are learning how to die. It is in Elsa’s case.
God healed Elsa’s heart. She was granted fruit of the good Spirits that carried her far. God kept Elsa this long, cuz HE wanted to show Elsa who HE is before taking her home.
I thank Elsa; she witnessed hope before my eyes. Her prayers were answered; she was taken home without fear, she is with our God in heaven. You and I someday will go thru suffering and face death. May the Lord, who had mercy to Elsa, do the same to us. I know it will happen, because she prayed for you and me on her bed.
*Special thanks to 怡清 at Veteran’s who had watched and cared for her like one of her own family members. God bless you.
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